girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
