I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a beard to bite.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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