Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
