Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
