i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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