I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
