I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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