new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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