he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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