Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
time to smoke my breakfast
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is her dick bigger than yours?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
