Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
porn star boner night. come get it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize