he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize