:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
