the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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