my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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