the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize