Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
