need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
