Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize