It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
