forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
