We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
