I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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