I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
