I wish my penis had an off switch
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
