So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
