So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
