And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"it" just moved
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize