i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
