I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
