I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
