Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
