In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
