Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
