Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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