I accidentally burped into my bong.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
