We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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