So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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