sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
