Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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