She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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