dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
