Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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