so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
