Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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