I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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