it hurts more in the daytime
I could make wine with my vomit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
