She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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