Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize