Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
