So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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