I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
