Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sex in a hospital.. check
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
