I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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