What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
