Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
