ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
