i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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