Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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