Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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