...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
