He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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