i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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