The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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